i don’t understand why you’re so upset. sure she broke up with you but she’s going to die someday. you’re going to die someday. you could even be murdered, and since most murder victims are attacked by people they know it could be me. i could murder you. i could kill you dude. right here. right now. i could squeeze the life out of you with my bare hands and you’re worried about a fucking breakup




a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life